Unfortunate Things That Happen As You Get Older

So the big 3-0 is fast approaching and I'm now taking stock of my rapidly disappearing youth and impending old age. I've mostly noticed the following things have started happening to me and others my own age (so let me know if any of these are you and we can commiserate together!):

Watching the news, Vincent Brown and *gasp* the Late Late Show. My husband recently looked at me incredulously when I said "best tape the Late Late this week, there's a good mix on". I know, I'm scarlet for me too.

Oh Ronan, I'll never stop laughing.

Reverting to things from your youth for comfort. I've been investing precious time in rewatching She-Ra cartoons and Friends reruns and listening to the likes of Ash, Placebo, Garbage et al. Pretending I'm young and carefree again basically.

Available here

Caring about politics; knowing which of the TD's are the most rotten of all and regularly being heard to say "shower of dirty, lazy b*stards, the lot of them. Sure Jesus, I could do a better job myself, wha'?" But never of course, making any effort whatsoever to get involved.

Ditto the Catholic Church.

Hating coffee, red wine and other strong flavours as a teen. Now you need them. You need them bad. They get you through the day. God damn coffee. 

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The hangovers are like some cruel endurance test, set by an evil overlord like President Snow..sh*t, this is THE HUNGER GAMES!!! The paranoia you face as part of the Fear is also much, much worse as you get older.

Being happier to stay in of an evening with a good book and a cup of tea, or a full TV series on Netflix. Pyjamas feature strongly and there may also be some take-away action because that's another thing....

..Work makes you more tired now and you start to say "I'm not able for this anymore" as your knees creak when you sit down. At that stage you go for the take-away option because you're just too weary for actual adult food preparation.

Enjoying more pleasant (see boring) televisual viewing. A bit of Downton, by God I'll take an Austen period drama if it's on offer and of course, Call the Midwife, my favourite. Tea and tissues at the ready.

The electric blanket is your new best friend. You tell anyone who'll listen (when you're not giving out about politicians or the length of that young wans skirt) that they must get one, followed effusively by "IT'S THE GREATEST DECISION I'VE EVER MADE"...I usually say this one out of ear shot of my husband.

Having an innocent discussion with someone only for them to let you know they're at least a decade younger than you and you no longer speak their lingo. Case in point; I was in work recently and introduced myself to two student nurses. One of them thought I had said my name was Joey, I corrected her and she said "oh thank god, I was thinking who would name their daughter Joey!" Me, thinking I'd slide in there with a cool pop culture reference, was all "unless you're in Dawson's Creek, eh?!". Cue blank stares and them telling me they had no idea what I was talking about. Which is fair enough because I had just referenced a teen drama that first aired in 1998 when they were about 3 or 4. Good times.

Being able to say things like "back in nineteen-dickety-two" and for no one to correct you or think you're joking, because you're old now, and that's how people your age speak.

You get a bit anxious thinking about all the books you want to read and whether you will now have time to read them all..

Everyone you know is either getting married or having a baby. You've gone to more weddings than you can shake a good stick at and begin to comment on best man speeches etc as if you were the narrator from Come Dine With Me. Basically, all sarcastic and judge-y.

You start saying things like "there's a fine old stretch in the evenings" and "great drying weather today" with no hint of irony.

Giving out about how you don't understand "today's fashions". Yeah, that's right. I've said those words and I've no doubt bored the arse of off everyone I know whilst giving out about this whole 90's/Clueless trend that's around at the moment..seriously lads, pull it together. There's a reason why the 90's is in no way known for it's fashion, good or bad.

Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go and wrap my Peig Sayers shawl about myself and shake a stick at the youths on my lawn. Do you have any to add to the list? Let me know in the comments!

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