The Power Of Make Up

I've thought about this particular topic before but this week two things brought it to the fore of my mind again. One is that I'm back in hospital and two is that I had a listen to The Women's Podcast with Marian Keyes, Aisling McDermott and Laura Kennedy on The Irish Times website (HERE).
The podcast focuses on the restorative power of make-up to help lift you from your lowest ebb during times of personal stress; illness, both physical and mental and in Laura Kennedy's case, caring for a family member with a terminal illness.

I became quite unwell in my mid-twenties and without sounding overly dramatic, it was looking pretty grim for me until I got a last minute reprieve and a double lung transplant. I generally don't talk about this much because, like Aisling mentioned, I want to be seen as more than my medical history. However, all three podcast speakers touched on something that resonated with me.
 Putting on your make-up or even just something as simple as applying your moisturiser can be important because it's doing something for yourself. Marian Keyes in particular mentioned that for her 'make-up is an act of self-respect that may seem frivolous but is quite profound'.

You're providing self-care at a time when you may not be able to do much more than that for yourself. Before my transplant I was physically quite weak but when I could I'd put on a little mascara, sort out my eyebrows, add a bit of concealer and some lip balm. 

It was usually commented on by a doctor and/or a nurse and almost always in a tone of "sure haven't you more to be worrying about now than putting on your make-up", which annoyed me and I felt, was designed to belittle me. They failed to understand that what looked like a shallow act was actually me clutching at some sense of ownership and control over my own body.
This is by no means a new concept for me either, when I really thought about it I recalled doing manicures for the female residents of the nursing home I volunteered in when I was younger and the curlers I used to pop in for elderly ladies I've nursed in the past. The little things all add up and maybe there is something to be said for the concept of putting on your 'warpaint' too.
Of course there are also days where it's completely acceptable and normal to not lift your head from its pillow but I think it's important to recognise that when you do want to spend some time on the aesthetics, that's OK too!

Make-up is seen as superficial and a bit pointless for some and that's fine.
Personally though, it's something I enjoy and yes, it's helped me to feel more like me, at times when I had very little of myself left.
So I'm now in a similar position once again of being in hospital and hating every minute of it (although I really have no right to feel sorry for myself after listening to that podcast) but I am, yet again, turning to make-up for solace. 

My husband bought me this years Lancôme beauty advent calendar and so every day I'm in here I can open a new door to a shiny little cosmetic treat and I feel that little bit better. I'm trying a sample of a new-to-me moisturiser from Clinique that is wonderful and in the mornings I fix my brows, put on a coat of mascara, a spritz of YSL Black Opium and a slick of my Tony Moly peach lip balm and then fall back into bed again. I've done enough to feel a bit more Chloe than I was prior to that. I may also be doing a frankly worrying amount of online beauty shopping too but you know, that's helping as well so why not. 

I found the podcast to be really insightful and might be worth having a listen to if you're in a similar situation.
I'll also be picking up About Face when I get a chance; a glorious looking beauty companion from Aisling and Laura that's out now and looks like the perfect book for beauty lovers everywhere!

I haven't written this for sympathy (because I really don't need or want it, thank you all the same), I just think it's an interesting discussion and if you'd like to join in, please do! 

XX

Let's Stop Comparing Women, For The Sake Of My Sanity

I haven't ranted about anything for a good while now but that's not to say there hasn't been plenty of things bothering me. First up, is this particular meme that has been doing the rounds lately, mostly on the Instagram accounts of beauty bloggers. 

While I'm generally of the opinion that people can post whatever the hell they want on their own social media (and if you don't like it, unfollow!), I've noticed that so many people I follow and am friends with have been passing this particular one around that I can't even ignore it anymore. It annoys me.

Here's why.

The media just LOVES pitting women against other women and does so regularly with magazines and newspapers devoting column inches to "who wore it better" segments (read about Amy Schumer's disgust at this HERE) but at least those are straight up blatant in what they're doing. They are literally comparing and contrasting the appearance of women. 

In the general scheme of things, this isn't the biggest issue in the world right now but it contributes to the objectification of women; often by other women and young girls, to view each other as only the sum of their parts and nothing more. That is dangerous and doesn't acknowledge anything about that particular woman beyond the very superficial- how she looks next to other women. 

On to the Princess Diana meme though. This surprisingly isn't the work of the Daily Mail but seems to have spawned from the depths of the Internet. Probably Tumblr or such like. 

Firstly let me say this; I am not a fan of the Kardashian/Jenners. I know little about them as I've never seen their TV show, I don't click into (the many) articles about them and I don't read magazines so I have successfully managed to avoid them for the most part. 

Having said that, I also have no desire to denigrate them. 

It often feels like a woman in the spotlight has to represent her entire sex, not just herself. How many "In a world full of Kanyes, be Prince William" memes have you seen? None? That's not surprising. Men aren't held up to the same standard that women are and are never expected to be the absolute best man they can be at all times. 

Fine, the Kardashians might not be considered to be the greatest role models for young women but why express that by remarking on their failure to be a dead princess? It makes no sense. 

This is also similarly vexing:

and:

and elicited this epic response from journalist and feminist Lindy West:

"THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE GIRL. ALL GIRLS FIGHT TO THE DEATH. "

Source

Why do these two women need to be compared? They are famous for very different things. The life of one should have no impact on the other. Amazingly, women can choose to read about or look up to or admire or ignore a whole multitude of women and men, depending on their personal preference. Sharing things like this online is just perpetuating the belief that women have to be deemed to be perfect by some arbitrary system of judgement for them to deserve public attention and admiration. 

Even if you agree with the opinion that more focus should be placed on Malala Yousafzai instead of Kylie Jenner, what can be achieved by pointing this out? Are you going to make people consume less reality TV and pick up Malala's autobiography instead? I find that to be a bit misguided and bringing one woman down to raise up another is a pretty negative concept when you really think about it.

Lastly, there are plenty of people who like the Kardashian/Jenners and enjoy being entertained by their lives and that's fine too. Why should you care either way? There's a place for everyone and as the mighty Amy Poehler says:

What do you think?

Do you agree with these memes? If you think I'm way off base here and am missing a hidden message of positivity then do let me know in the comments!

XX

(Just) 9 Of The Times Carrie Bradshaw Was A Terrible Person

It's not just constant re-runs of Friends that Comedy Central show, it's also Sex and the City. Although I've already seen every episode (and the two somewhat misguided films) a few years back, I've found myself re-watching it at lunch time on my days off recently. In that time I've discovered something which did not occur to me before.
Carrie Bradshaw is a terrible person. 

This is fine, she's a flawed character and I can appreciate that as it makes her more human. What annoys me though is the insistence that she's a good friend to her fellow Manhattan-ites Miranda, Charlotte and Samantha. She really isn't, she's actually the worst and the whole "which SATC character are you" (and all the people insisting "I'm a Carrie") discourse that's out there is largely dominated by girls that look to her as an icon- both for fashion and lifestyle. Lads, no. She's awful. 

Observe:

That time she made Samantha attend her book launch party even though she had a disastrous face peel and didn't want to leave the house. She then made her go home early because her face was putting people off their canapés. Cheers.

The time she makes Aidan forgive her for the fact she cheated on him with Big by repeatedly wailing "YOU HAVE TO FORGIVE ME" in his face. Grant me strength.

The time she couldn't afford to buy her apartment because she bankrupted herself by buying very expensive shoes and then guilt-tripped Charlotte into giving her her engagement ring for the money.

The time she sent Aidan to help poor naked Miranda with her neck injury.

When she tells Stanley that he finally did it (developed a successful relationship with Marcus), he reveals that it's a sham and they're falling apart and she replies "thank god!", she's RELIEVED HER FRIEND IS MISERABLE.

Delighted with herself. Wagon.

She rings Miranda to rant about someone making a face at her in a bathroom and doesn't even ask her how she is or if she needs help while she struggles with her newborn baby on her own.

Not interested.

The time she arrived late to Charlotte's wedding because she chose that moment to tell Aidan she'd cheated on him. She was a bridesmaid by the way. 

Charlotte tells her "there's some things people don't like to say because of how it sounds, like….(big gulp) I'm getting a divorce". Carrie ignores this and blurts out "I'm lonely!"

And lastly, possibly also the worst: she forces Big's ex wife to see her by showing up unexpectedly on HER DATE to berate her into forgiving her for having an affair with her husband even though she's made it really clear she doesn't want to see her.

See? The worst. Thing is, I quite like Carrie (although I always preferred Samantha if truth be told). She's not perfect and no one is in reality so that's fine. It's all the people saying "life goals" in relation to her that bothers me.

If you can watch the show for what it is, then grand. It's just the romanticising of her character that annoys me I guess. 

Am I alone in that? Does anyone else think that Carrie is the absolute worst? 

XX

Love/Hate And The Response to *That* Rape Scene.

*Trigger warning; discusses sexual assault*

I can't believe that I'm writing this in this day and age but here we are. This is going to be short because I think the point is actually pretty obvious so no need to labour over it. 

Last night saw the series finale of popular Irish drama Love/Hate and undoubtedly, most of the country were tuned in. As usual, it was an hour long blast of violence with characters tortured and murdered and included a disturbing rape scene involving Fran, a prisoner in Mountjoy jail. 

We're shown his initial attack and his broken body afterwards, as he lies in a pool of his own blood, clearly in agony. 

Instantly, memes and jokes about these scenes sprang up across social media. I unfollowed those on Twitter who felt the need to share these comments but this morning I noticed my Facebook and Instagram feeds were also filling up with crass "jokes" too and as these were also people I'm friends with, I thought it would be better to just address it here rather than go through each individual and repeat myself several times. 

So for those of you who find it hilarious that a human being (fictional or not) was violently sexually assaulted with a piece of splintered wood, let me just point out this glaringly obvious fact; rape is not funny. It never has been and never will be. To laugh at suffering of that level instantly makes you less human. If you can watch something like that and not feel physically ill, fair enough. Good for you and your steely constitution. lf however you can watch that and then go on to make incredibly crude jokes, memes or comments about it then you're not only lacking a sense of humour but also any slight vestige of empathy or decency. 

Just in case you're also confused; rape involving a male victim or the use of an object is still rape. Would you laugh at a female rape victim? Did you also laugh at the rape of Siobhan last series? Maybe you did, maybe that's your thing. I don't know your (messed up) life. I do know however that people's justification for this on twitter have been nothing short of an epic grasping at straws; "it's only a tv show", "the rapist isn't gay so it can't be rape", "there was no sexual attraction so it wasn't rape", "sure he's a criminal himself anyway", "because it was an object people weren't aware of what was happening" etc. 

Seriously, just stop.

Yes, this was a work of fiction but one that was designed to show the degradation and humiliation of this character, something I think the actor and makers of the program captured perfectly. And really, it doesn't matter that this is a fictional character, things like this happen to real people in real life. Mocking and trivialising it when it happens on a television show (especially one with as great a cultural impact as Love/Hate) makes it harder for real life victims to speak up. Even setting that aside, if after seeing something that harrowing, your first instinct is to laugh about it, then you really need to reevaluate why you find something like that funny in the first place. 

That's just my two cents on the matter, if you have anything to add, please pop it down in the comments below. Sincere apologies if this was upsetting for any of you, if you need to talk to someone about your own experiences, the Dublin Rape Crisis Centre provide a great service; (01) 661 4911.

XX

Casual Sexism To Sell "Novelty Items"??

You may have seen some of the controversy over this image which appeared on Twitter (photo courtesy of @jenharrisbede) today. Harris, an actor/comic/writer/rapper was disgusted to find this item on sale in River Island and took to Twitter to let the brand know how unimpressed she was. 

And then, we got to see the ugly side of the Internet. As Sali Hughes tweeted, regarding the same incident:

image source

For my part, I mostly saw people in support of getting this removed from stores. It makes light of domestic violence against women in the most crass way possible; using what has been described as a "novelty item" and playing on old fashioned, offensive concepts. The fact that they've used an actual functioning tool to physically silence the "nagging woman" and one that is better known for its use in muting victims of sexual violence etc makes it all a bit grim really. Then I saw that Irish website Her.ie put a post up about this on their facebook page. Now, generally I try and avoid the comments on either her.ie or the Journal because really, my blood pressure can't handle all that stupid but I clicked in just to see if the mood was the same as it had been on Twitter.

Here's a sample of some of the comments (and yes, these were 99% from women):

"If only there was a way to gag these nagging idiots who complained."
"The complaints just reinforce the stereotype - idiots "

" I think the people complaining should be given one for free and taught how to use it. It's a joke for god sake why do we all have to be so bloody politically correct all the time now. Just have a giggle and move on."

"Sali Hughes could do with one"

"Get a life..... Get a sense of humour... FFS..."

"Does no female have a sense if humour....?!"

""Novelty" item jeeeezeee people see the fun in it...the empty shelf or space should be filled with signs "humerous" gifts on sale discount for people without it "

"Too funny, would love 1 me these  the world's gone mad & lost its sense of humour"

"Pity they don't sell senses of humour  they probably would get offended by that too "

Where to start. OK, firstly, the "get a life/sense of humour/grip/whatever, is a seriously weak response. If you can't tell me why this isn't sexist, isn't offensive and is in fact, hilarious without resorting to one of these then I'm not sure you've fully understood the issue. 

You don't find it offensive and you're a woman? Great! Delighted for you. There are lots of women and men that have found this disturbing including my husband and I and most of the decent people of twitter who I know. Does that mean that we're all right and those people are wrong? No, but at least I can explain why I think the way I do. 

Not one person who commented said it was funny for any particular reason, other than "it's a novelty item", "it's humerous" (poor spelling, also to be found throughout comment sections everywhere) or "it's a joke". A joke that uses embarrassingly lazy, sexist generalisations to demean and abase half our population is not a joke and it's not acceptable. The problem with things like this is that it's a domino in a long line; it seems fine and innocent now (to certain people) but added with all the other little jibes about women, the comments, the abuse in the street, the sexual harassment in the workplace, again in the streets, in pubs and nightclubs and you're laying the foundation for the following (and these are just the tip of the iceberg):

Image source

image source

Image Source

Organisations like The White Ribbon Project are trying to stamp out the sexist mentality that is still so pervasive in our society by stopping all types of violence against women, starting with "jokes" and comments made between the "lads in the pub", street harassment and all types of verbal, physical and sexual violence where men are the perpetrators. I think there's a long way to go before that is actualised but in the meantime, the fact that people of both genders think this is not only acceptable but hilarious is very worrying. If you think there's nothing wrong with this then at best, you have a terrible sense of humour. At worst, you think little of the degradation of women and are in fact, a misogynistic ass. And yes, women can (and are) misogynists too. Before you suggest it, if River Island were to bring out a similar product for women, I would be equally as offended. That's what makes me a feminist, I want equality for women AND men. One can't exist without the other. Things like this that reduce one sex to a lower level than the other through the use of jaded gender stereotypes and humiliation is NOT OK. 

The good news is that plenty of people are aware that ignoring this won't help; River Island had to take the product off the shelves and offline following complaints. 

I'd love to hear your opinions on this, especially if you can explain to me why this is funny! To the comments!

Should Everyone Automatically be Entitled to an Opinion?

My husband and I can often be heard having a heated debate about whether or not a person should be "entitled to their opinion". I maintain that if the person is fundamentally wrong, i.e if their opinion is that of a bigot/misogynist/racist etc then perhaps they've lost that right, or at least the right to shout it from the rooftops and be listened to. My husband, on the other hand, is ironically, slightly more tolerant than I am and thinks that no matter how abhorrent your views, they still belong to you and as such you have the right to express them. I do agree with the idea of free speech, I understand its importance and the dangers censorship presents, I just don't know if we should as a society, tolerate such damaging opinions to the extent that we do. But then there is the question of who decides what is or is not a "damaging opinion?". It's all a bit murky really.

Pretty much my exact feelings for RTE right about now.

George Orwell maintained that "if liberty means anything at all, it means the right to tell people what they do not want to hear" and that actually does make a lot of sense to me but while I understand what both Orwell and my husband are saying and I agree on principle, I do wonder how helpful it is to us as a society to entertain certain views. If someone is basically just a homophobe, hates women or anyone of a different skin colour to them, then how important is their opinion to any discussion really? 

For instance, our national broadcaster, RTE, has repeatedly seen fit to pit obstetric medical consultants against random members of certain right wing, Irish-Catholic organisations who posses neither medical nor legal expertise and expect a balanced debate on abortion. Fuelled, not by facts or evidence, they instead use hatred, closed-mindedness and a staggering amount of self-importance to see them through, regardless of how little they actually know of the topic at hand. This is where I struggle a little bit however, because I think it's a huge credit to those of us of a more liberal leaning when certain elements of Irish society appear on TV or in print like this and make ludicrous statements about marriage equality or abortion that in the end really only make them look foolish and serve to weaken their entire argument. As the great Oscar Wilde once said "I may not agree with you but I will defend to the death your right to make an ass of yourself." 

So yes, everyone should be entitled to their own opinion. I will however remain on the fence as to whether or not everyone deserves to be continuously given such public platforms to express said opinions. 

What do you think? Come on, it's only Tuesday, we all need a good rant! Let me know in the comments. 

Marilyn Monroe and Body Shaming

This evening, someone I know liked this image on Facebook, so it showed up in my timeline. As I had to be subjected to it I went onto Twitter where you're always sure of getting a discussion going and thankfully, many people agreed with my disgust. I said I'd pop it up here too to spread the word.

There's so many things wrong with this, I'm not even sure where to start but here goes. 

Firstly, anorexia? It's an eating disorder. An illness and not as this would suggest, a choice, like implants. Also, are we to take from this that these people somehow think that anorexia didn't exist before Marilyn's death? Really? That's kind of laughably stupid.

Secondly, what's with the body shaming? Yes, she was an attractive woman but does that have to mean that those who don't look like this are by extension, not "sexy"? What happened to beauty being in the eye of the beholder? This for me is just more of this "real women have curves" nonsense. Newsflash; real women can look like whatever they choose to and if you "liked" this picture then you probably just haven't thought of the repercussions for people seeing this who have an altered body image. Imagine for a second this was the other way around; a photo of Kate Moss back in the 90's with a comment shaming those who don't resemble that one particular body type? Would that be acceptable too? I'd sincerely hope not.

Lastly and depressingly, this thing has 88,414 likes. That means that all of those people deemed this to be a good message to be put out there, something they agreed with. Sure, some of the likes are men (I know this cause they've left some fairly predictable comments about what they'd do to Marilyn..if she wasn't dead for the past 50 years, of course) but an overwhelming amount are women. Seriously? I have to say I struggle with that mentality. Women really are their own worst enemy sometimes. Certainly, Marilyn Monroe was a beautiful woman and plenty would love to have her figure but in expressing that, do we also have to shame other women who don't have that body shape? What about the naturally thin or over weight?
Also, sorry to burst the bubble of whoever created this image, but Marilyn had plastic surgery, in fact she had an implant in her chin that gave her the illusion of perfect bone structure. There is of course, nothing wrong with this, each to their own. I just find it incredible that the person behind this image has such an extremely narrow ideal of what the "perfect" woman should look like that they've ignored the reality of the situation, popped an image of a well-loved movie-star up in order to get more traffic to their page and that so many people are completely oblivious to that. Women, I think need to start being a bit kinder to each other and while you may think "this is just a picture on facebook, get over it", well, I disagree. This sort of thing is actually really insidious and incredibly damaging in the long-term and personally, I'm getting weary of seeing it everywhere.

Anyway, end of rant. Let me know in the comments what you think. Am I being overly sensitive or do you agree that this just isn't acceptable in this day and age?